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Or maybe more accurately, I’m too scared to be seen at the top. Too scared I’ll be told I don’t deserve it. If I’m climbing a mountain, maybe it gives me an excuse to not act like everyone else. If I’m climbing a mountain, my exhaustion and pain will be understandable. Climbing a mountain gives me a distraction, a way to avoid reality. But, the thing is, I’ve gritted my teeth and made it all the way up here. I’ve screamed and I’ve cried but I’m here. I’m so close to finally living. I’ve made the mistake before of thinking close to living is all I’ll ever have. Made the mistake before to let go - only to slide back down the mountain I’ve worked so hard to ascend.
So fuck it.
If we’re going to do this, if we’re going to finally live, we have to dig our heels in and pull ourselves over. Face the fear of normality, of reality, fight the battle we’ve been working up to and relearn how to live.
Product description:
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
We have spent so long telling ourselves that we are not worthy of feeling joy. We have spent so long believing our laughter is a betrayal of the people in our lives who are still hurting. We have found solace in the pain we have convinced ourselves that we must feel.
But it doesn’t have to be like this.
We don’t have to wake up each day dreading suppressing ourselves in order to appease others.
We don’t have to earn joy through pain.
We don’t have to apologise for each word, each breath, each step.
We can stand up and live unashamedly. We can sing out of tune and crack strange jokes. We can mess up our doodles and dance as we cook. We can write dodgy poems. We can walk. We can run. We can fly. We can exist freely and wholeheartedly. The world does not exist for us but we do not exist for the world; so stop apologising like everyone’s waiting to watch you fail, stop apologising for fear your existence is somehow an offense. Your existence is not an apology so stop living as though you have something to prove to a world which really couldn’t care less.
product descriptions:
• Polycarbonate outer shell
• Thermoplastic Polyurethane TPU inner liner
• Dual-layer protection
• Precisely aligned port openings
• Induction charging compatible
• Blank product sourced from Korea
Important: This product is available in the US, Canada, Europe, UK, Australia, and New Zealand only. If your shipping address is outside these regions, please choose a different product.
But then you will have moments where you will look back and realise how far you’ve come. You will do things that a past version of yourself could never fathom. Someday you will see that the pain in your chest has faded. You will laugh genuinely and you will cry happy tears and you will stop and realise that this moment is not underscored by a train of swirling thoughts. You will see and you will hear and you will smile and you will love and you will live.
You keep waiting for a switch, a huge change as you grow into the person you should be. But I don’t think it works like that. Growth isn’t a moment; it’s not a day that you wake up feeling ready to live again. Growth is work and it is tears and it is ignoring the calls of the world you’re leaving behind.
Growth is time. And with time we will learn. We will learn how to function without the crutch of rules and restriction. We will learn to ignore the voice that tells us we are not enough. We will learn what it is to be ourselves. We will learn to be ok.
We will be ok.
With time,
We will be ok.
Product Details:
• 100% organic ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 5.3 oz/yd² (180 g/m²)
• Single jersey
• Medium fit
• Set-in sleeves
• 1 × 1 rib at collar
• Wide double-needle topstitch on the sleeves and bottom hems
• Self-fabric neck tape (inside, back of the neck)
• Blank product sourced from China or Bangladesh
The sizes correspond to a smaller size in the US market, so US customers should order a size up.
Why I love on-demand manufacturing, taken from my supplier:
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
you don’t need to compensate.
you don’t need to cry.
you don’t need to explain.
it’s ok.
ride the guilt like a wave and let the wave hit the rocks. because it will; it will be over soon. this feeling, this fear, it will be over soon. listen to the frog. sit with the guilt because sometimes that’s all you can do. there’s never too much food in ED recovery and listening to the voice that tells you otherwise will only feed your suffering and its control. it’ll be ok. i promise.
product details:
• polycarbonate outer shell
• thermoplastic polyurethane TPU inner liner
• dual-layer protection
• precisely aligned port openings
• induction charging compatible
• blank product sourced from Korea
Important: This product is available in the US, Canada, Europe, UK, Australia, and New Zealand only. If your shipping address is outside these regions, please choose a different product.