revealed: depression’s a scam.

where does this lead? what does this fix? sure, you’re tired. you’re scared. tired of feeling this way. scared you’ll always feel this way. but is there truly any sense in using pain to do anything other than burrow yourself further into the darkness?

don’t quite know what I’m saying. don’t quite know what I’m doing. there’s a fear that’s niggled it’s way into my gut.
but pain will only allow it to grow further.
I can’t seriously think the happiness I so crave, a future I would want to live in, lies in a physical manifestation of my pain?
maybe I’m attention seeking. maybe I think people will believe what they see. do I really want attention based in pity? have i stooped to a desperation that low?
neglect has led me to want to be cared for. premature maturity has led me to miss the childhood I could have had. and, sure, maybe that’s an excuse. maybe I can bluff my way through life telling myself I’m allowed to feel this way because the world deserves it. but, in brutal honesty, allowing the things I’ve been deprived of to cut me deeper is on me. causing myself physical pain due to the emotional pain I’ve been allowed to feel is on me. there are two paths I could walk down. life or death. black or white. hope or pain. and as much as you may think that choice was never yours to begin with, you’re wrong. just because it’s difficult; it’s exhausting; everything in your body cries for you to give up, it doesn’t mean it’s not possible.
because it is.
it is possible to turn your life around and build a world you want to live in.
it is possible to turn away from the pain and allow yourself to heal.
it’s possible to find light in the darkness if you know where to look.
if you ignore the weight in your gut you’ll begin to realise it was never there in the first place.
it’s a lie. depression’s a crook and that urge to self harm is it’s scam.
you can do this.
as hard as it feels, as gritted as your teeth, as heavy as the weight, there’s a way through. there is time.

tags: mental health, mental illness, depression, hope, self harm, recovery