it’s not going to be easy but it’ll be worth it

It’s not going to be easy. It was never going to be easy. I think you knew that when you decided to commit to recovery. You didn’t just decide « oh recovery looks like a cool aesthetic I’d like to try that out sometime ». It’s difficult. It hurts. You’re going to cry. You may wish you could go back. It’s not easy. But, I’ll tell you what, it’s a heck of lot easier than a life trapped in an eating disorder. It’s easier than being 16 and missing your best friends birthday party because you were too scared of the pizza that may or may not be there. It’s easier than being 19 and staying in a dorm throughout freshers week because of your fear of ‘liquid calories’ in those shots of tequila.It’s easier than being 30 unable to have your own cake at your wedding. It’s easier than being 36 wanting kids and those years spent malnourished depriving you of that choice. It’s easier than being 40 too scared to take up your dream job offer because the hours interfere with the rigidity of your routine. It’s easier than being 50 unable to join in with the marathon to raise money for your friend diagnosed with cancer because your doctor says it’s unwise for you to do so. It’s easier than being 60 and measuring out your cornflakes whilst your grand nieces and nephews free pour coco pops with smiles on their faces. It’s easier than being 80 trying to calculate the calories in your birthday meal. It’s easier than being 90, on your death bed with regrets.