when it all feels like too much

sometimes it feels like I’m falling behind at life. when everything begins to build up: the assignments, the emails and messages to respond to, the lessons to catch up on and the topics to review, the revision to do, the challenges to complete, the initiatives to launch and the people to meet. you become buried in a pile of to do lists and expectations and then something new gets added to the list. something that crushes you and requires all your attention. people to look after. to hug and to hold. to check up on, constantly. to worry about. you can’t breathe and yet you have to plough on because you have no other choice. you have commitments and people waiting on you. you need a break. you’re exhausted. but you don’t have time to take your eyes off the things you care about. you put so much on yourself and there’s no way of backing out. you give all your energy to the people around you. you mask the struggle you’re feeling. you do dumb stuff secretly (or, sometimes, not so secretly) to cope. you snap at people and they don’t know why. you can’t enjoy the life you’re supposed to be living because you’re too scared of what might come next. you hope that someone will listen, will hear your cries for help. you hope that someone will understand. you feel so alone - no one else feels like this, right? 

I want to offer advice, and I’m not quite sure how. I can’t leave you with such a depressing message. I guess all I can truly say is that things will get better. and, even if they don’t immediately, the hope that they will one day will carry you through. it can all feel like too much but, at the end of the day, the most important thing is to focus on the world around you, the moments that you’re sharing with those that you love. there may be chaos, there may be fear, but try, if you can, to focus on one thing at a time. write a list. take 5 minutes to listen to a song wholeheartedly- singing along to the lyrics and pouring everything into awful dance moves. take a drink of water and focus on the sensation of that water as it slides down your throat. take the first thing on your list. set a timer for how long you think it will take and get going. blast music and get stuck in to the task. focus on one thing at a time. put your phone away - fling it across the room. shut the door. do the task. that’s one thing done. well done. take a break. get more water, a snack too if you’re hungry or you need one. then get started on the next task. set a timer. put away all distractions. repeat. work through the list. you may not be done but at least the piles a little bit smaller, a little bit lighter. at least the end is in sight. sometimes you can feel like giving up, but the only thing you can do then is to keep on going. lift up your head and try again. 

tags:

mental illness, mental health, stress, trauma, recovery, hustle culture